I tried to encompass everything I was feeling, sort of like a song of the fray, not the band, but the actual fray of the world. This song was written a few years before Trump was elected president or any talk of a wall around the country so this is not a political song at all. This was me trying to express that beautiful truth that I just want to be. The civil war heart was one of my favorite lines in this song. The killer is hypocrisy. Mending a heart that is at war with itself can be tricky, especially when that heart doesn’t even know its at war. It is a battle for inner peace and bitterness cannot reside with peace. Instead of just accepting things the way they are, we seek to convert them into what we would rather them be. Meaning we try to understand things so that we can feel comfortable and peaceful about them, we try to define them, but in doing that we lose the peace behind acceptance. This is a shifting tide and like I said a struggle… a real struggle.

There is a struggle within us all to simply exist. To really feel alive just by being. Something I want to add is that God is often referred to as I AM… to me, that is the essence of our nature. We simply are… and it is so much more than enough, but the world likes to teach something else. These two pull so hard against each other and this struggle spawned this song.

So much change and suffering associated with all sorts of problems that arise apart from just being alive…  just breathing.  Feeling oneness and connection with the earth and others as well.  I don’t want to be isolated from everyone but I don’t want the problems of the world to steal my beloved peace either. Sometimes a song is just what we need to be reminded.

We struggle for the dollar signs.  So many of us actually believe we are better human beings, more worthy, or whatever.  There is more value given to “successful” humans and we don’t seem to value the humble things in life as much as we should though deep down we all truly desire peace. Ive struggled with whether or not this is true but it must be because we are always trying to understand and define everything. Understanding is designed to bring peace but sometimes understanding is not necessary at all. Therefore peace is greater than understanding. Seek Peace and you will find understanding. But be aware that as you desire more and more peace that you will become much more sensitive to the trappings of the world and what it teaches. This will expose the struggle within so much more and in turn we begin to desire more peace and less understanding… this is light leading us out of the darkness and it has the appearance of apathy to the world, but not desiring to understand everything is not apathetic at all, quite the opposite, remember we dont always have to define everything to have peace and acceptance. As you all should know by now, I love Jesus… I love peace… I love the “peace that surpasses all understanding”. Phillipians 4:7.

The truth is we are all so similar in so many ways yet we are all so very unique as well… ultra unique. Think about it this way, no one in the entire history of humanity, ever, has seen things the way you do, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We all have our own perceptions. To me, that is absolutely mind blowing… that is true uniqueness. Very unique and very similar. WOW.  It means that all of us are just as special as one another despite our uniqueness and our similarities.

Now the crack in the seams, nothing is what it seems… is a provocative line. Are we anything more than what meets the eye? Anything beyond the stars in the sky? It is very easy to get wrapped up in the plain view of the world and its desires, but what if we are so much more than even we know? Something I want to add is a revelation I’ve had over the years. I am aware not everyone reading this believes in God and I’m further aware that there are those that do not like that I do, but again, I have to be truthful and you don’t have to believe in God to believe in the things of God. If you are a bible believer then you have probably read in Ecclesiastes where Solomon says there is nothing new under the sun and that everything is meaningless.

However, when you check it out, if we all have our own ultra unique perceptions then this means that each of us has our own ultra unique relationship with our creator and it is written also that Gods mercies are new every morning. This is an awesome revelation because it means that nothing is meaningless and there ARE new things under the sun. Im not contradicting Solomon but I think it is important to understand that he was lamenting. Sometimes when we lament we don’t see things as clearly because bitterness seeks to overshadow gratefulness, they are in constant struggle. Remember the story of Jonah? What this means is that in the struggle we will find peace, meaning, there is no peace without the struggle… but we have to know that we are not exempt from the same struggles as the prophets of yesteryear. It is revelation that we truly seek, not for understanding, but for peace. Nothing can be revealed unless it is revealed from the inside. Humbly, my lament of this truth is what led to this song.

I recorded this demo with loud distortion because that is how I heard it in my head and because the demo list I was recording was suppose to be to audition drummers. Drummers are absolutely deaf (seriously lol), so you have to really bring the vocal out and let them hit as hard as they want or they probably won’t connect with the song and therefore you lose them anyway. So, the guitars and the vocals are really in your face. There is a bit too much delay on the vocal but I was pretty new to recording demos then haha…


if you look hard
yeah were all unique 
but if you look harder
you’d see similarities
somethings gotta give
in this civil war heart
when will we kill this killer
mend this broken start
Theres a crack in the seams
nothing is what it seems
theres no sound when the bubble bursts
and i can hear the angels
sing through the flames
and i can feel the healing
and i can feel the pain
are we anything more
than what meets the eye
anything beyond 
the stars in the sky
its written in the fabric
the fabric of time
its sitting n the static
of this beautiful life
i just want to be
still we define every little thing
steal with our minds every little thing
still i know we find healing
these shifting tides
the struggle for the dollar signs
fences around liberty
i just wanna be!