Im a loner. Its not by choice, its just the truth. The last girlfriend I had was 14 years ago, and I didn’t even realize we were in a relationship for a year. I think I have pretty severe commitment issues to be honest. It’s always felt like if I stop moving that I will die or something, and believe me, I want to laugh at that, but I really can’t; i’ve been moving my whole life. Because of the nature of who I am and what I do, people think that it should be easy for me to change and be what they want me to be. Im a songwriter, but people want me to be a performer, because a performer is supposed to be accessible. But the truth is, that’s not the case at all. Consider all the performers in your life, do you have relationships with them? No. They are posters on your wall and voices in your ear; you can look, but you can’t touch; you can dream but you can’t have. The relationship between performers and their fans has alot of falseness around it, and that’s why so many performers kill themselves, and why so many of their fans abandon them when they fuck up or fail.
People support performers with millions and millions of dollars, (although most of that gets taken by the businesses that are exploiting them) but not because they believe in them, but rather because they are successful and they like the art they bring into their lives. So many people love these performers, but they forget about the creators, the workers behind the scenes; the ones that suffer in silence; the ones that dont have the million dollar voice and who can’t slay an instrument; and im not just talking about the production crews either, im talking about the writers.
Yeah I said it, the fucking writers. The ones that don’t want to be seen, or known, because that’s not who they are. The faithful loners that are so familiar with failure, because without it, they can’t be what they are, and your beloved performers wouldn’t be able to give you jack shit. Let me let you in on a secret, singing is not hard for a singer, most of it comes naturally. Its not hard to sing someone else’s song or to read someone else’s poem. Writing the shit takes time, thought, and it is a craft all in its own. Honestly, we should be valuing the writers over the performers more, but that’s not what sells, because most writers do not want to be accessible, again, that’s not who they are, and that genuineness is one of the main reasons you connect with their writings in the first place. Creators have to be free, wild, pure, and genuine or they cant create. Im not bashing performers, im reminding you of the the truth.
I think what people dont realize, is that Ive believed in my songwriting for over 20 years, and believe me that is not by choice. Fuck, Ive wanted out for so long, but tell me, how do you stop being what you are or how do you quit something you believe in? My dads gone, most of my friends and family dont think im gonna make it, or think im a joke in some way, even though most of them won’t admit that, because the truth is everyone wants to be able to say “I believed in you” if I ever did make it, and while I hate that is the truth, I wouldn’t deprive people of that boast even though they literally did nothing to support me; some have, but most haven’t.
Here’s the thing, I know what faith is, and I know when others around me start to lose it. Ask yourself, do you truly believe that I can make it? Or did you, and now you just dont know? Understand, that I dont have that luxury. I can’t just turn it off. I have to bear the burden even when those who I respect dearly try to convince me to do something else. I have to bear it when people use subtle words against me, and when I feel their snideness slay my work ethic. Those who have worked with me, in any job, will tell you about my work ethic, and for those of you who think writing, producing, recording, and sharing songs doesn’t take work, then honestly, you really dont deserve to listen to anything, respectfully. But, for some sick reason, in todays society especially, you still get to. I know most people think that because they pay spotify a monthly subscription that they are supporting the artists, but really, that’s just you supporting a greedy tech company.
Let me break it down for you, those songs you hear on the radio and the ones you stream on spotify, or copy from your friend, those are peoples work. You are literally taking it for free, most of the time, and while I know this is the new normal for the music business, it still doesn’t mean that the people who create it are not working. Remember, most writers are not paid for the work they do, but rather for the work they’ve done; that’s why we have licenses and patents for intellectual properties, and royalties for publishers and writers. I just want to remind people of that is all, if you dont know anything about creating music and writing songs, then you probably shouldn’t talk, or even think about it, as if you do. Its not that fair that we work for free already, (or for crumbs from streaming platforms) but its downright ignorant and mean to take that work for free and believe it has no monetary value to it. Furthermore, your beloved facebook is fucking us over even more. We aren’t just sharing innocent posts, like most people are, we are on social media because that is one of the only places that creators can share their work. I absolutely do not like facebook, because so many of you think it is free, while so many others are paying for it (no, this isn’t a plug for political engagement). When I try to take my people to another platform, they suffocate the post and make me pay more to promote it. I dont expect many people will read this, but just know that in time, I will only be active on Patreon, because they do not have algorithims or advertisements. Facebook keeps its users in the dark, and if you dont have a business page on facebook, or if you have never seen a “boost” button, then you definitely dont know much about how the “free facebook” makes billions of dollars of year.
So, I work for free, and people take my work for free, then I pay someone to share my free work with you. That’s the model that creators have to deal with at the moment; not to mention all the money you pay to have a website for your email list, link tree, online learning and subscriptions, software tools, paying producers and engineers, joining publishing teams, paying distribution platforms, and copyrighting material, maintaining instruments and building the infrastructure for an online music business for which you have no funding, and are only hemmoraging what little funds you do have. The whole time people are asking you when you are going to get a job… believe me, if you dont know why creators blow their heads off, then you are not paying attention.
We literally give you everything we have, for free mostly, and still, its not good enough… you always want more, and what’s worse, is you want something that we can’t give you, that we probably can’t give anyone, and because we can’t give that to you, you start to despise us eventually; or you think that what we are working on is talent driven only and not a manifestation of hard work and innovative thought. I wrote my song THE OUTLINE as a type of therapy against such discouragements; if I succumb to your world, then everything that I am is dead already, because most people give their lives away for money, im trying to do it for faith, hope, and love. Truth is, most companies, (that many of you reading this work for) would love to have creative, idea-driven, hard working people like us, but we dont want to leave what we believe in, so we dont make ourselves available to them. My RYDER RECORD LABEL PODCAST is all about what happens when a songwriter starts to learn the business side of the music industry, and in many ways, the fundamentals of building any business. I need a team, but I can’t pay a team. Someone has to take a chance on me at some point, irregardless, im not going anywhere.
So, whats the solution? its simple, quit, make it, or die trying. If you listen to my song HUNT, you will know how familiar I am with this prognosis. I was feeling this way even 15 years ago when I wrote it, and here I am, almost 44, and still feeling the same way. Please stop asking me what i’m doing, and just take what I give you. I dont get to stop believing, unfortunately, my belief doesn’t get weaker, it actually gets stronger… and I dont consider that a great thing, at least not on the songwriting-worldly-front anyway.
You dont choose faith, it chooses you; but remember this, this country was founded on fucking dreamers, so take it easy on them if you can, cause it aint an easy road, and contrary to what people think, there is a lot of work involved; its not a matter of not working, but rather a matter of learning what it is that you need to work on. Let me also let you in on another secret; when belief grows in anyone for any reason, it only amplifies and makes them more sensitive to those who do not believe. If you find me pushing you away more and more, this is probably the main reason, and, its entirely not my fault, its just how faith works. You either grow towards it, or, you grow further away from it… there is no middle ground with faith… it is designed for growth. You dont hold onto someone else’s faith, it inspires you and grows inside of you, remember, it is designed to flourish.
There are so many tragic things that happen when youre a creator who believes in your work. You will live a lonely life, because you can’t be around people that dont believe in you. You already know youre a failure to everyone everyday, so you dont need to be reminded of that all the time. Most listeners start off strong because they “hear” the pureness of the art, but then they start to fade as the novelty wears off, but like Ive said, I dont get to fade; im literally the reason you believed in the first place; im the writer of the songs you loved. The world hates me because they want me to be like them so much, but remember, I didn’t get to choose this… Ive literally always believed; not that I would make it in your world, but that I would continue to find a way to keep creating and be what I am. If the world won’t let me continue, then as so many of you have witnessed, I will just leave, to the point where I will literally live alone in a van to keep going.
That’s why I dont plug in anywhere, its because if I stop too long, they take more and more, and I know they will drain me if I let them. The world is designed for slavery and freedom is its enemy. I wrote my song CRAZE in 2009 about that very thing, “I can’t stay plugged in too long while this world tries to drain me, but I can’t always see the trap it sets ahead…” If youre reading this, and you dont understand the sacrifice that’s involved, then you will never understand. I spend alot of my time working in a career that I pay to work in, and that pays me nothing in return, so how in the living fuck am I supposed to support a family and buy a house? In the worlds eyes, belief can be considered tragic, but it carries with it something that you eventually learn is totally worth the sacrifice… hope.
In many ways, “my obsession” (even though it chose me) with creating songs has taught me how to love God more. Im writing a book about everything the Gospel has revealed to me. As of now it is over 250 pages and on its 4th revision, and as of now it is called FISHERS OF MEN. I have started a PODCAST on it, but this podcast will get alot better as soon as I figure out the layout of the episodes. Right now, lets call it in Beta.
listen, Ive done alot of different jobs, jobs that most people probably couldn’t do to be honest, I know I can do anything; but what I can’t do is stop believing in my craft, and now, ive come so far that its almost too late anyway. Its so much more than posting shit on social media. Others make it because they love to post, they love to be seen, and they love who they are on social media, and as such, it rewards them for that, but as I said in the beginning, I am a loner, albeit not entirely by choice; the older I get, the more I learn to appreciate that. It is a big part of why I write the way I do. I can’t give you what you want if what I have to give is not enough, and like my song RIDE THE WAVE, I can’t change what made you find me. I am weening off of facebook as a platform for so many reasons, and as I said I will be on Patreon soon more than anything, even if I just have 1 or 2 followers there.
Let me explain some of the language of this social media phenomenon, so that you may understand why you feel some of the pain and emptiness that you do. Understand that social media is not innocent! It is guilty of so many things, only, so many people are addicted to it, and in denial, so they refuse to see it. Look at the way we communicate on there? Look at how we believe we are in someones life but are only witnesses… look at what is posted, but also have a look at the underlying forms of communication. Look at the subtle and not-so-sublte ways of hurting someone or telling people you know and dont know to fuck off… it is a new weapon for us to use against each other, and like so many weapons of mass destruction, their initial introductions were innocent scientific experimentations. The basis is, that which can be used for good, can, and will, be used for evil. Nuclear energy can power the earth, but can also destroy it.
For example, If someone doesn’t like your post, or worse, they do like it, but they want you to think they dont…then they can communicate that to you in so many different ways… its just all deceptive bs, as we want people to believe something that most of the time is not complete; we show the good, but rarely the bad and the ugly, which is literally some of the best parts of us. Vulnerability is not weak for fucks sake… it takes alot of courage to stand and say, “here I am motherfuckers, sorry (not sorry) if you can’t understand me.” We are literally allowing social media engagement to affect the perception of our worth in this world, and that is more of a testimony against the world more so than against social media. Whatever, it really doesn’t matter, because it aint going anywhere anytime soon, but just know that the verdict is in for me, I do not like it, at all, and I will be weening off of it… if that means that I definitely can’t make it as a creator then fuck it… that’s the way it is.
Just know that all of my work, for the last 20 years is on Patreon for a 1.00 a month. I will be working on making it better and better, and I will only give my work away there, no more email list giveaways either, as it costs me money to connect my list to a website. I will use social media for advertising, but that’s it. If you want to be friends, then give me a call for fucks sake…
All those friends and fans that I know still believe in me, I will be in touch… but know this, ive had a growing social media presence (alot of it through paid advertising) for years, and I have literally spent more than i’ve made in return, so why in the fuck would I stay there? I have to change something. Setting those up, who truly believe in me, to support me financially, is my responsibility. My best offer is on Patreon. Its the best way for me to give you everything, keep you notified, protect my work, and monetize and grow my fanbase. If I can’t make 12.00 a year from people who claim to love my work, and want more, then I can only assume that people sincerely believe that I do not deserve anything for my work at all.
You may have no idea the dark thoughts that circulate in my mind about my works, but those who do know will understand the level of discouragement that comes with believing in yourself when no one else does. You’re the last line of defense, if you fall then the whole thing comes crashing down and no one gets anything. Are my songs good enough to make it into the world? I believe they are, but I literally can’t do everything by myself… I dont know why, but I just find it so hard to believe that my songs will die with me. Do you know how creators continue to create? They get help from somewhere.
I am still going to build a social media strategy, but it will all revolve around my Patreon page. Think of it as Patreon is my world and ill be using social media to direct people there. I could literally write an entire essay on why I like Patreon so much, but it would just be easier to show you. Understand this, Facebook is against creators, and makes them pay; Patreon is for creators, and pays them. From now on, I will do everything I can to support Patreon.
Dont forget, you can follow me for free on Patreon and get all the Ryder RydeUps in Aggregate as they come out! That’s 12 free songs and RydeUps every year, plus anything else I share with my followers! Other than laziness, (which many people accuse me of constantly) you literally have no excuse not to follow me on Patreon, forgive me, but its true… truth is why you like any of my songs in the first place, remember? Come on, help me change the game guys… One love. ❤️🔥🎼